Continued from Part I, posted last week:

6. Pay as many bills as possible. Do this prior to separation so that you are not stuck with the obligations, risk having utilities shut off, or fight off a bad credit rap.

7. Take care of household or car repairs. If you’ve been putting these off, make that upgrade, such as air conditioning, a driveway, or a patio, particularly if you are fairly certain you will maintain and live in the residence at settlement. If you currently have an old vehicle and can afford to upgrade your set of wheels, do so. You’ll need transportation, and as long as the expenditure is modest, you won’t be faulted for a new (or slightly used) car. Indeed, if there is a manufacturer’s warranty, you’ll save money in years to come.

8. Look after your health-care needs. Visit your doctor for a routine checkup, annual OB/GYN exam, vision testing, or dental cleaning and x-rays. Chances are good your health-care coverage will remain in force for at least several months longer, but you might be responsible for any co-pays or procedures that aren’t covered. So see to these visits now, and order any dental work or new glasses or contacts if they would be covered on your health plans.

9. Invest in a better work wardrobe. I’m not suggesting that you buy out Saks Fifth Avenue, only that you purchase some basics to see you through job interviews and career commitments. Focus on a few good suits and the appropriate accessories. But hey, a new bathing suit could do wonders for the self-esteem as well!

10. Stock the pantry. This might sound silly, but if funds get tight (and if you’re dealing with a belligerent spouse, they just might), you won’t need to spend as much on groceries if you’ve stocked the pantry and filled the freezer.

If you think that you may be heading towards a divorce, a consultation with an experienced family law attorney can help you understand the best ways to prepare and protect yourself and your family.

Getting ready to dissolve your marriage?  Think that your spouse might be?  Here are some steps that you can take:

1. Make a list and check it twice. Know where you (and your spouse)  have bank accounts, retirement savings, real estate, life insurance policies, mutual funds, credit cards, other important financial information, and important documents such as social security cards, passports, birth and stock certificates.

2. Gather financial information. Obtain statements and balances for bank accounts, plus copies of prenuptial agreements, wills and trusts. Collect as many of your spouse’s pay stubs as possible. In some professions there are multiple paychecks. Some jobs involve bonuses or commissions in addition to paychecks.  Try and capture as much of this information as possible, if it’s relevant to your spouse’s earnings.

3. Safeguard heirlooms and liquid assets. Seek appraisals for artwork, antiques, and other collectibles. Take any sentimental or important objects to a friend’s house for safekeeping. Be certain that your name is recorded on the house deed or apartment lease.

4. Open a bank account in your name. It only takes one party to raid an account, and you don’t want to be left without any money. Certainly do not deposit any more of your own money into a joint account, even if you transfer that into your own name. Establish a new account for future deposits, preferably at another bank. This is where you can keep an emergency fund to live on and pay legal bills, at least until support is established.

5. Establish credit in your own name. As soon as separation takes place, cancel or report missing jointly held credit cards. Then, go out and set up new accounts in your name only.

Tune in for Part II next week!

If you think that you may be heading towards a divorce, a consultation with an experienced family law attorney can help you understand the best ways to prepare and protect yourself and your family.

… well, maybe not EVERYTHING!

Family law mediation is a process where people with a family law issue seek the help of an experienced mediator to help them reach a collaborative solution, rather than taking the matters to a judge. Most family law mediators will help you file the necessary paperwork with the court once you reach an agreement, or provide you with resources that will help you file.

Mediation starts with an introductory session that focuses on answering questions about the mediation process and how it works, as well as identifying the major issues in the situation which will require resolution.

Mediation is a voluntary procedure and parties can decide to stop mediating at any point. One concern parties often have is what might happen if mediation does not result in resolution, and they must litigate their family law issue. Under California family law, whatever you communicate with a mediator will remain confidential.  For example, the potential asset division that you discussed during mediation can not be brought up in court. Most mediations are, however, successful.

The role of the mediator is to be neutral, explain the parties rights and obligations, and facilitate communication between the parties. In most divorce-related arguments, both partners are reluctant to listen to each other and often ignore or deflect reasonable positions taken by the other party. This is where a mediator can help by reframing and helping to shift perspective.

If you believe that you considering a divorce, consult a family law mediator to see if it might be a good option for your situation.  Mediation is most often more time and cost-effective than litigation and allows the parties to retain much greater control over the outcome.

Child custody and support cases are some of the most contentious in the already contentious area of California family law.  Child custody and child support are linked because the amount of child support is based on the parents’ ability to pay, the income of the custodial parent, and the custodial time the child spends with each parent.  The greater the percentage of time you have your child with you, the less child support you will pay.

With the current economy, some parents are finding it difficult to make their child support payments regularly, especially if they have been laid off or suffered some other loss of income.  If your income has been substantially reduced from the time that a child support order was entered, there are procedures to modify the amount of child support.  Consult an experienced family law attorney as soon as possible to protect your financial situation, and to ensure that you do not end up owing child support arrears, etc.

But what about the parent who is receiving child support?  Again, a family law attorney can advise you in dealing with the other parent, and, if necessary, getting a court or the Department of Child Support Services involved to collect child support in a timely way.

If you are having issues with child support, whether it be paying or receiving child support, consult an experienced California family law attorney to better understand your rights and your options.

Wedding season comes to San Francisco a little later in the year due to our “unique” weather pattern.  Because of our later summer, it is currently pre-nup season!

Not everyone needs (or wants) a prenuptial agreement.  How do you know if a pre-nup is right for you, a member of your family, or a client?  Some “clues” that a prenup might be in order, if the newly engaged or his/her intended:
·      have children from a previous relationship
·      are a small business owner (or are planning to start one soon)
·      have  a real estate or investment portfolio

When I begin working with a client seeking a prenuptial agreement, I help facilitate conversations with their fiancé(e) around how they will handle money in their marriage:  will they use their pooled money to pay the mortgage on the ski-house in Tahoe?  Will they merge their checking and savings accounts?  What about if, somewhere down the line, the relationship dissolves?  Do they each want to keep their own retirement, or use California family law to determine how to divide it?  I help my client come up with questions and ways of approaching those questions that open up a dialogue with their intended about money.

The next stage is to get a financial “snapshot.”  This takes at least twice as long as people expect!  It takes about a month for clients to pull together information on all their assets and debts, along with current bank, credit car, car loan, retirement savings statements, etc.  The more complicated a client’s financial situation, the longer this stage can take.

With all the information in hand, I draw up a prenuptial agreement that reflects (a) my client’s financial situation, and (b) the discussion that the client and fiancé(e) have had.  Once I have a draft with which my client is happy, I send it to their intended and his/her attorney.  It is critical that each person have their own independent attorney, or, under California family law, the prenup will not be enforceable.  (And why go through all of this to have an unenforceable agreement?!)

Finally, and most confusingly, California family law requires a one week “ cooling off” period between when a prenup is finalized and when it can be signed.  This means all changes must be made and finalized at least ten days before the big day.  (And, personally, I hate cutting it that close!)

From start to finish, the process of finalizing and signing a prenup takes a minimum 3 months.  If you or someone you are close to is getting married during San Francisco’s wedding season, I suggest contacting a family law attorney today to determine whether a prenup is in order.

According to an MSNBC article, the divorce rate among soldiers has increased as military marriages suffered continuing stress from two ongoing wars.

There were an estimated 10,200 failed marriages in the active duty Army and 3,077 among Marines, according to the Associated Press. The divorce rate was originally 3.3 percent, but has risen to 3.5 percent according to the latest information.

The information shows 3.7 percent of more than 84,000 married Marines divorced in fiscal year 2008, increased from 3.3 percent in 2007. Some veteran and family groups believe the Pentagon figures are too low because they do not include those who divorced after leaving the service.

Repeated deployments have been blamed for stresses on military couples. Spouses at home left to care for their family without their spouse can often feel overwhelmed.

According to the article, women in the military usually experience higher rates of failed marriages than men. Army women divorced at a rate of 8.5 percent and for men it was only 2.9 percent.

Mental health surveys taken in Iraq, showed 15 percent of troops said they intended to divorce when they got home. All the services have started programs to help couples make it through this difficult time. The Army has a couples course, and a family course that helps couples with children to stay close and parent well. The Marines have offer workshops to teach couples to manage conflict, solve problems and communicate better.

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Whether it’s because of a parenting plan or a business trip, parents and children must sometimes deal with extended periods of separation.  Psychologist Ann Dunnewold, Ph.D., author of Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box, gave the following tips to Parenting magazine re: how to stay close to your children when you can not physically be with them:

1. Use your cell phone. Although the idea of entrusting a cellular device to your 6-year old is appalling to many parents, allowing a child to have access to his or her mother or father’s voice is a simple and effective way to stay connected.  If your child’s other parent is with the child while you are not, simply ask them to cooperate and lend the child their phone.  A study conducted at University of Wisconsin-Madison shows that girls who talked to their mothers via phone felt as calm and happy as those whose mothers were physically available for hugs.  Hearing a parent’s voice lowers a child’s cortisol (stress hormone) and released oxytocin, a hormone associated with physical contact.
2. Make a recording. If you know you’re going to be stuck in a closed conference all day, make a recording of yourself reading your child’s favorite story or singing his or her favorite song and have it available for the child to hear.
3. Log on to Skype. If you can’t, leave videos of yourself for your child to watch whenever he or she wants.  This is similar to the voice recording tactic.
4. Hang around. Even if you can’t stay, leave your scarf, cardigan, or something the child associates with you with him or her.  Make sure it’s an item the child has seen you wearing often.  This method isn’t effective if you simply dig out an old sweater from the closet.  The item should smell, feel, and look familiar to the child.

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When couples marry, few contemplate that their marriage might end in divorce.   The hope is that their marriage will be forever.  The reality is, however, that some will end, sometimes bitterly, in divorce.   Much of the acrimony of divorce could have prevented if the parties  had a prenuptial agreement.

So why do so many couples, who are aware of the risks, fail to even consider entering into a prenuptial agreement?

Prenuptial agreements are for wealthy people; my fiancé and I are just starting out. Things change.  As you become older and more accomplished in your career your income will increase.  Your assets, particularly your  home, your savings and your retirement accounts will become more valuable.  The prenuptial agreement can protect the accumulated wealth and provide for how it will be dealt with if a marriage ends in divorce or death.

Prenuptial agreements only protect the wealthier spouse and leave the other spouse with little or nothing.
Prenuptial agreements must be fair.  If the agreement is found to be unconscionable, the court will set aside.  (That is, the court will act as if there was no prenup.)  Particularly where there is disparate wealth, the prenup can  provide for maintenance for the less well-off spouse in the event of divorce.

Premarital Agreements must cover everything, soup to nuts.
The agreement can be tailored to your specific desires.   I prefer that prenups be comprehensive, but it is possible to craft one that covers one particular issue.  (For example, you own a business with your siblings and do not want it to be a part of any potential divorce proceeding.)

“We’re planning a wedding – we’re always so stressed out about money, I don’t want to talk about finances.”
Drafting a prenuptial agreement is an excellent time to make sure that each of you knows what the other person’s financial picture looks like.  The prenuptial process includes financial disclosures.  If there are any problems, this is the time to see them!  I encourage couples to begin the prenuptial process early, so that there is sufficient time to make the disclosures, deal with any problems that crop up, and have important conversations about how each of them wants finances to be handled during the marriage.

Premarital Agreements Aren’t ROMANTIC
This is what I hear most often.  My explanation is that getting a prenup is like saying “I love you enough to talk about what things might look like if at some point in the future, things fall apart.”  It is much better to have this discussion now, in the flush of happiness, than at a time when you and your spouse might be highly emotional and stressed by other factors.

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“Helping professions” and hospitality workers have some of the highest divorce rates in the country, according to a comparison of divorce rates among occupations.

The conventional wisdom is that doctors and attorneys have high divorce rates.  But an analysis of the top 15 jobs with the highest divorce rate that recently made the rounds of the Internet doesn’t even list police officers among the worst offenders. Based on data from the 2000 U.S. Census,  here are the to p15 professions and their divorce rates:

1. Dancer: 43%
2. Bartender: 38%
3. Massage therapist: 38%
4. Gaming cage: 34%
5. Extruding machine operator: 32%
6. Gaming: 31%
7. Factory: 29%
8. Phone operator: 29%
9. Nursing: 28%
10. Entertainers, sports: 28%
11. Porter: 28%
12. Telemarketer: 28%
13. Waiter: 27%
14. Roofer: 26%
15. Maid: 26%

The national divorce rate in 2009 was 10 percent. It’s hard to know why the above jobs are prone to more divorce. Professional dancers, athletes and entertainers, for example, have more opportunity to cheat on their spouses because they often work away from home and are surrounded by adoring fans.

Helping professionals, such as massage therapists and nurses, have a high amount of stress and work long hours, spending less time with their families. Hospitality workers, such as waiters, maids, porters and gaming workers, also work irregular hours in high-stress jobs.

No matter what the profession, divorces are highest among jobs where workers face high stress and temptations.  Jobs that require extensive travel, odd hours and are high in stress can lead to divorce.

Working odd hours (especially nighttime work) and then spending more time with co-workers instead of a spouse isn’t the only thing that can lead to divorce. One of the biggest causes of divorce is economic pressure.

Resource: jobs.aol.com

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According to a recent survey of American couples, one-third of spouses lie to their partners about money matters and one third have been lied to by their spouses.

These results are very similar to what happens when one spouse discovers the other is having an affair.  If you believe that your spouse is hiding money, etc., contact an experienced family law attorney to understand how this could affect you legally.

Read more in this Forbes article: Is Your Partner Cheating On You Financially? 31% Admit Money Deception.

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